guys i feel so upset over a few things and feel my actual friends i cant talk to right now so, my lucky lucky virtual chums please read on while i moan....

ok, so canteen boy left, i did some digging and he is joining the army next week. of course he is. so he will be pretty much unnattainable. game over with that one.

last night i went out straight from work for a few waters (cant drink yet and coke hurts my teeth). my other mates, not work mates, decided that this was the night they'd plan a big night out, even though i specifically asked them if we could make it Saturday as i wasnt free friday. so that pissed me off.

anyway, work mates dwindled and i met up with my usual mates in town. they were all hammered and dressed up all nice and i was just sober, miserable and casual. i didnt wanna ruin their night by moaning all night, and plus they werent really listening to anything i said as they are impossible when they are drunk.

i saw hot tanned footballer guy, we were dancing next to him and his mates. he said hello but that was that. went home at midnight as no point paying to get in a club. when i got home, hot footaller text me saying 'your mate is unbeilevable x' .

fucking great . he knows i fancy him, we have exchanged flirty messages in the past so he texts me to tell me he fancies one of my mates. so that pissed me off and i cried. if he doesnt fancy me then fair enough, i cant make him, but to tell me that when he knows i liked him is out of order. what a prick. so he's off my list now too.

i replied saying 'blonde or brunette?' as i was with 3 mates, 1 blonde 2 brunette. he said brunette. he asked where we were. i told him i was at home and didnt know where they were, even though i did. so then i got upset that 'all my mates are prettier than me blah bah blah i am the ugly one etc etc' and i felt truly shit.

things got better when drew from work text me. he said he wanted to look after me but suppose my fella will be doing that. turns out he thought i had a new boyfriend. when he realised i didnt he told me he thinks i am hot and that a few of the guys at work think i have got the best body (?) , he as obviously drunk but i felt a bit happier with the compliment, albeit rather untrue. he said he assumes nothing will ever happen but he wants it to. i said i do to but it is always bad timing with him.

i can eat now guys, only on one side but i am much better, thank god. went to lunch with the girls today, and after warning them all not to accept hot footballer guy if he adds them on facebook, i came home. logged on facebook and saw something which has now reversed my mood back to crying/sad.

there is a new photo of cockney boy tagged. not sure if all of you will understand what i mean, but there often comes a time when you see a photo of someone, and it just happens to be the perfect photo, it makes them look stunning, and makes you realise why you feel the way you do. it is just a pic of him in the garden with his work clothes, but its just the timing of it, the smile he has, his stance, his face and the light, it is perfect, i felt like i was going to be sick when i saw it. and it has made me cry.

havent heard any more from him. i am so frustrated, i want a drink, a night out with the girls but i cant do that properly yet and i dont know how many more teeth are coming out or when it will be, i cant take any more!